Today's Postsecret I could have sent in.

Postsecret

I could have sent this one.

Lately I've been talking to a "long lost" friend from high school.  Sometimes it's funny how 30 some odd years ago you spend so much time with people that now you realize you truly didn't know anything about them (or them you).  ...then again it does make 'catching up' a little more interesting.

Postsecret 2/14/19 - 5.fatgirl

2016 New Year's Resolutions

So here I am in day 10 of the new year & I'm still working on those goals. (Yay me!) Today's "adventure" was the first of 3 of the Blue Apron mealsBeckey gifted me so I could see if it was something I'd be interested in. I decided to try the hardest (I'll explain why later) of the three first (if I can prepare & eat it then the rest will be easier).

Tonight's meal: Seared Cod & Date Vinaigrette.

I'm not the best fish cooker (unless it's fried; thanks Dad) & cod has always been beer battered and fried w/ chips in my world. If that wasn't intimidating enough, it comes with a 1/2 cup of read quinoa (what is quinoa and why is it red), a watermelon radish (very neat looking but still tastes like a radish to me) and dates I was supposed to finely chop (have you tried chopping raisins?). It took me longer than the 35 minute cooking time mostly because "Heat a medium pot of salted water to to boiling on high. Once boiling, add the quinoa" is not specific enough for this non-cook. How much water? How much salt? (Did I mention I don't know what quinoa is or why it's red?) I won't go how long my paranoid self cooked the fish, I can hear you laughing at me from here.

 
My favorite step was the 6th and last one: "Divide the finished salad and cooked cod fillets between two plates." In case no one tells you quinoa GROWS. 

smile emoticon

There's maybe 1/3 of the salad on my plate (a regular sized dinner plate). I ate what's on my plate. I may not know what it was supposed to taste like, but it wasn't inedible and that's a plus. All in all I say meal 1 was a success.

Again?

(Once again) I stayed up way too late watching yet another "unthinkable" & cowardly attack (a metal concert; a freaking metal concert - really?!?) on a group of people just out enjoying their lives. Just like all the previous times the hairs on arms stood up when I heard about ordinary folks stepping up & stepping out to help strangers (loved the almost immediate hashtags ‪#‎PorteOuverte‬ (open doors) and ‪#‎StrandedInUS‬ where people literally put their addresses out there for strangers to crash if needed). This morning I tried to avoid the news & posts of support on Facebook and Twitter but there's no avoiding the cartoons (this time I mean the drawings not the politicians) that give the impression of understanding & hope that this time - this time we'll stop the bad guys. I can't imagine living in a world where I can't relax after a rough week; go to the movies or see my favorite band and be more concerned about what the fan next to me is doing instead of what's happening on the screen or stage....and yet that's exactly where I am today.

Tomorrow is another day though.

Coincidence? I think not.

The other day I found my list of New Year's resolutions; # 6:Get Book 2 out. The next day I received an email about a 30 year reunion of what secretly I've always nicknamed my St. Elmo's Fire friends (one of which gave me the journal that houses book 2 & another's birthday is today).

I've been working on #6 a good part of today.  It's a lot harder than the first one because even though it's taken a hell of alot longer to get to this point (as Amber​ will confirm) it turns out things I haven't thought about since I put them in the book are coming to the surface as if they just happened.  Why is that even possible??

...so I'm typing up the lyrics to Total Eclipse of the Heart & of course I remember why it made it into the book; but somewhere between the 3rd and 4th "Turn Around" that memory is replaced by something more "recent".  I don't know if that's the work of good songwriting or proof that we are doomed to repeat our history.

House​ says there's no such thing as coincidence.

I could have used this article a few months ago.... passing on for anyone else in this situation.

The article Depression & diabetes showed up in my Facebook newsfeed awhile ago.  I honestly wish it showed up back in February when I felt my world had blown up (again).  (For those that missed the drama; I'd just bought a house & was told I was going to be unemployed.  Considering the last time I was unemployed nearly killed me - not an exaggeration - I was not my usual happy jolly self.)

Everything about this article is right on point.... except for one thing (and I'll get to that in a minute). Going to the movies (not sitting at home watching a movie - physically going & buying a ticket, popcorn and a drink) helped me.  Once I even asked someone to go with me, and even though it didn't help as much as I would have liked, the act of asking, going, STAYING helped considerably.  Reading also helped.  Not the five or ten minutes mentioned in the article...but a page.  Honestly I read a page, (sometimes two on a good day) for about three weeks.  For whatever reason, it was all I could manage at the time.  ...and apples.... apples smothered in peanut butter helped.  I will never understand why or how - but to this day when I'm down a Granny Smith apple & reduced fat Jif works almost as well as chocolate does for some women.

The one thing this article stresses is talking to friends and family.  That's not exactly an option for me - with Mom & Dad both gone I've been joking about being an orphan for so long it's turned out to be the way I feel.  I don't have any close friends (physically close; within 20 minute drive) that I could call just to hang out on the couch with me.  I've never been the kind of person that would call up my emotionally close friends & cry on their shoulders.  I save all that "crap" for my journals or for this.  ... and yes I call it crap - I've always felt depression was a weakness in me; something I should be able to 'get over' or 'snap out of'.  Ironically I'm the first one to tell others to go seek help - yes I know how hypocritical that sounds.

Lately a co-worker and I have been discussing the idea of going to our doctors & asking "for something" to help us out of these 'moods' we've been in.  I have noticed that I'm quicker to loose my patience with 'stupidity' (or as my company is so found of saying - I lack empathy for the members that call in for my help), the fact that I'm back on the phones in a call center despite everything I've done to do anything else, or I'm having a hard time finding a way to deal with (essentially what turns out to be just) life.  I haven't made the call yet (mostly because I don't have the money for the visit) but I am seriously considering it.  I'm just now sure how to go in admitting I not able to deal with everyday issues anymore.

Hmmm....

I've been having a serious conversation with a co-worker the last few days about whether or not we (both of us) need to be medicated to prevent us from feeling like we need to "choke a b*tch" (no one in particular just a general feeling). It wasn't until yesterday's conversation when I was handed a Reese's Peanut Butter cup (no joke) that I realized my previously mentioned "wagon jump" may NOT have been the reason for my mood but a way to get it back in check. I am well aware my current position has messed up my head in ways I'm not sure I'll come back from easily; however I'm pretty sure Dunkin Donuts' Coolattas are not the solution either.