Today's Postsecret I could have sent in.

Postsecret

I could have sent this one.

Lately I've been talking to a "long lost" friend from high school.  Sometimes it's funny how 30 some odd years ago you spend so much time with people that now you realize you truly didn't know anything about them (or them you).  ...then again it does make 'catching up' a little more interesting.

Postsecret 2/14/19 - 5.fatgirl

2016 New Year's Resolutions

So here I am in day 10 of the new year & I'm still working on those goals. (Yay me!) Today's "adventure" was the first of 3 of the Blue Apron mealsBeckey gifted me so I could see if it was something I'd be interested in. I decided to try the hardest (I'll explain why later) of the three first (if I can prepare & eat it then the rest will be easier).

Tonight's meal: Seared Cod & Date Vinaigrette.

I'm not the best fish cooker (unless it's fried; thanks Dad) & cod has always been beer battered and fried w/ chips in my world. If that wasn't intimidating enough, it comes with a 1/2 cup of read quinoa (what is quinoa and why is it red), a watermelon radish (very neat looking but still tastes like a radish to me) and dates I was supposed to finely chop (have you tried chopping raisins?). It took me longer than the 35 minute cooking time mostly because "Heat a medium pot of salted water to to boiling on high. Once boiling, add the quinoa" is not specific enough for this non-cook. How much water? How much salt? (Did I mention I don't know what quinoa is or why it's red?) I won't go how long my paranoid self cooked the fish, I can hear you laughing at me from here.

 
My favorite step was the 6th and last one: "Divide the finished salad and cooked cod fillets between two plates." In case no one tells you quinoa GROWS. 

smile emoticon

There's maybe 1/3 of the salad on my plate (a regular sized dinner plate). I ate what's on my plate. I may not know what it was supposed to taste like, but it wasn't inedible and that's a plus. All in all I say meal 1 was a success.

Again?

(Once again) I stayed up way too late watching yet another "unthinkable" & cowardly attack (a metal concert; a freaking metal concert - really?!?) on a group of people just out enjoying their lives. Just like all the previous times the hairs on arms stood up when I heard about ordinary folks stepping up & stepping out to help strangers (loved the almost immediate hashtags ‪#‎PorteOuverte‬ (open doors) and ‪#‎StrandedInUS‬ where people literally put their addresses out there for strangers to crash if needed). This morning I tried to avoid the news & posts of support on Facebook and Twitter but there's no avoiding the cartoons (this time I mean the drawings not the politicians) that give the impression of understanding & hope that this time - this time we'll stop the bad guys. I can't imagine living in a world where I can't relax after a rough week; go to the movies or see my favorite band and be more concerned about what the fan next to me is doing instead of what's happening on the screen or stage....and yet that's exactly where I am today.

Tomorrow is another day though.

Coincidence? I think not.

The other day I found my list of New Year's resolutions; # 6:Get Book 2 out. The next day I received an email about a 30 year reunion of what secretly I've always nicknamed my St. Elmo's Fire friends (one of which gave me the journal that houses book 2 & another's birthday is today).

I've been working on #6 a good part of today.  It's a lot harder than the first one because even though it's taken a hell of alot longer to get to this point (as Amber​ will confirm) it turns out things I haven't thought about since I put them in the book are coming to the surface as if they just happened.  Why is that even possible??

...so I'm typing up the lyrics to Total Eclipse of the Heart & of course I remember why it made it into the book; but somewhere between the 3rd and 4th "Turn Around" that memory is replaced by something more "recent".  I don't know if that's the work of good songwriting or proof that we are doomed to repeat our history.

House​ says there's no such thing as coincidence.

I could have used this article a few months ago.... passing on for anyone else in this situation.

The article Depression & diabetes showed up in my Facebook newsfeed awhile ago.  I honestly wish it showed up back in February when I felt my world had blown up (again).  (For those that missed the drama; I'd just bought a house & was told I was going to be unemployed.  Considering the last time I was unemployed nearly killed me - not an exaggeration - I was not my usual happy jolly self.)

Everything about this article is right on point.... except for one thing (and I'll get to that in a minute). Going to the movies (not sitting at home watching a movie - physically going & buying a ticket, popcorn and a drink) helped me.  Once I even asked someone to go with me, and even though it didn't help as much as I would have liked, the act of asking, going, STAYING helped considerably.  Reading also helped.  Not the five or ten minutes mentioned in the article...but a page.  Honestly I read a page, (sometimes two on a good day) for about three weeks.  For whatever reason, it was all I could manage at the time.  ...and apples.... apples smothered in peanut butter helped.  I will never understand why or how - but to this day when I'm down a Granny Smith apple & reduced fat Jif works almost as well as chocolate does for some women.

The one thing this article stresses is talking to friends and family.  That's not exactly an option for me - with Mom & Dad both gone I've been joking about being an orphan for so long it's turned out to be the way I feel.  I don't have any close friends (physically close; within 20 minute drive) that I could call just to hang out on the couch with me.  I've never been the kind of person that would call up my emotionally close friends & cry on their shoulders.  I save all that "crap" for my journals or for this.  ... and yes I call it crap - I've always felt depression was a weakness in me; something I should be able to 'get over' or 'snap out of'.  Ironically I'm the first one to tell others to go seek help - yes I know how hypocritical that sounds.

Lately a co-worker and I have been discussing the idea of going to our doctors & asking "for something" to help us out of these 'moods' we've been in.  I have noticed that I'm quicker to loose my patience with 'stupidity' (or as my company is so found of saying - I lack empathy for the members that call in for my help), the fact that I'm back on the phones in a call center despite everything I've done to do anything else, or I'm having a hard time finding a way to deal with (essentially what turns out to be just) life.  I haven't made the call yet (mostly because I don't have the money for the visit) but I am seriously considering it.  I'm just now sure how to go in admitting I not able to deal with everyday issues anymore.

Hmmm....

I've been having a serious conversation with a co-worker the last few days about whether or not we (both of us) need to be medicated to prevent us from feeling like we need to "choke a b*tch" (no one in particular just a general feeling). It wasn't until yesterday's conversation when I was handed a Reese's Peanut Butter cup (no joke) that I realized my previously mentioned "wagon jump" may NOT have been the reason for my mood but a way to get it back in check. I am well aware my current position has messed up my head in ways I'm not sure I'll come back from easily; however I'm pretty sure Dunkin Donuts' Coolattas are not the solution either.

I could have sent this week's Postsecret secret

Serving 

Want to hear a funny (or sad depending on how you look at it I guess) story about me?

This morning for some strange reason I woke up determined to get the air filters for the house, even though for the most part I've turned off the heat.  When I opened the front door it also occured to me that it maybe I could find out what it would take to have it fixed (the lock that doesn't 'hold', the peephole has been painted over - and oh yeah ...I really HATE the color of the door.)  I really need someone to go with me to these home improvement places because I can wander around happy as a lark for hours looking at this and that & dreaming about what I would/could do if I had the time and more importantly the money; like the refrigerator that's on sale (if you can call $1400 a sale) that's not stainless, and not white but a chrome-tinted grey maybe?? ...before find what I went in there for.

Finding the filters took no time at all; figuring out what I wanted to change on the door was another story.  It's a no-brainer that the red has to go & frankly I'm still loving the idea of painting it Dallas Cowboys blue.  I'm also considering removing the doorknocker (it's not like I get a lot of visitors and I do have a doorbell) and putting silver numbers there since I still haven't found a house number plate I like and can afford.  That only leaves the problem with the gold door knob and deadbolt (the easy answer would be to have them replaced since they aren't working very well - but I had all the doors rekeyed when I bought the house & I don't want to spend that kind of money again if I can avoid it.) ....eh I'll figure that part out later.

I found (and bought) the replacement peep hole - turns out that's not as big of an issue as I thought it might be.  I even found large silver numbers to fit in that space across the middle of the door (assuming I can remove the doorknocker). While I was looking/dreaming I realized a clerk was persistently asking me if I needed help.  Not only was I in my own little world but I was dressed in my best "People of Wal-Mart" attire (black running pants with broken zippers on the sides of the legs and my old beat up w/ the lettering falling off Cowboys jersey) and not accustomed to "being seen".  I chuckled to myself and let him know I was ok and just looking for prices and ideas.  He didn't even seem relieved when he walked away - kudos to him.

Next stop the paint department.  I have no idea what kind of paint I'm going to need to cover up this door (does it count as indoor? outdoor? will I need a primer?) but I do know the first thing I need to find is the right color.  How hard can it be for me to find Dallas Cowboys blue?  Ummm...harder than you'd think.  I started with the paint chip samples on my left and nearly had a heart attack; there were four more sections of chips alone!  OMG where's Dave when I need him?  Deep breath & start pulling cards out of the slot with my left hand (right still has the filters I've been carrying around for 45 minutes now as well as the peep hole) hold it up to my chest (remember the beat up Cowboys jersey?) while I decide if it's close enough for consideration.  I've got a stack of cards in front of me & I'm going through my second round of eliminations when it happened.

On my right is another store clerk, only this time she looks a little scared.  She puts her and on my arm holding the filters and says quietly (as if she doesn't want anyone else to hear her) "Ma'am is there anything I can help you with?"  I'm a little startled because I didn't even realized she'd walked up on me let alone the fact that she still has her hand on my arm.  "No", as I pull my arm away "I'm trying to find the right one, I promise to put all the cards back in the right place when I'm done."  She smiles as if she knows something I don't and says "it's ok ma'am you can take as many as you want; there's no charge.  But could you do me a favor and use the bottom of your shirt instead?"  Now it took me a second or two to realize what she was asking me.  Sure I was putting the cards up to my chest to check the colors; it was the easiest for me to see.  What I didn't realize was that I was making the decisions out loud (and not using the voices in my head)!  Imagine what it must have looked like to walk around the corner and see me standing there with 'my hand on my chest' saying things like "not bad", "close but not quite right", "almost", "ewww, not even in the ballpark"....  I busted out laughing as I assured her I would be more careful.

Then again, maybe it is...LOL

A few weeks ago I was in a strange head space (even for me) that I figured I'd put (another) post on Craigslist.  No, I wasn't looking to get involved with anyone again, but I did want to have someone to hang out with again.I know it's CL & all the crazies are out there (hell I'm on it more than I should be right? :) ) however but not everyone is nuts...are they?

So here was my post:

Not too much to ask ... - 44 (CabCo)

age : 44 body art : 2 tats, want 2 morebody : heavy height : 5'7" (170cm)ethnicity : black status : single

Everyone has a list of "must haves" in a partner right? Here are mine:

1. Single (as in not married or still attached to someone else - physically or emotionally)
2. Non - smoker
3. Casual drinker
4. Must follow the NFL
5. Listen to rock (hard & classic) & metal
6. Twisted sense of humor
7. Within ~ 6 years of age

What are yours?

Here are a few of the (cleaner) responses I received:

Hello u have a pitcher  I am 50   Looking for a friend right now . Not really sex even thou it would  be nice 

Yes I am good on all 7 let's get together

Hello

How are you planning for weekend?

can you tell me about yourself 

I HAVE AFFECTIONATE KISSES,FIRMNESS BETWEEN MY LEGS  AND FUN FOR YOU DEAR.THIS IS LEE IN DURHAM AT XXX-XXX-XXXX...CAN YOU STAND IT?????

LOL maybe I am just too picky :)

Postseceret

I was able to go to a Postsecret event a couple of weeks ago in Charlotte.  One thing that stuck me with me was Frank's explanation as why so many people spent part of their Sunday's reading his blog.  He said that something to the effect that it was comforting to know that somewhere someone felt the very same way you do.  Today was one of those times.

Trying not to panic

This year is off to a slow start where my resolutions are concerned, but I’m still plugging away.

The other day I made an appointment to attend a weight loss surgery seminar.  It’s the first step in finding out if 1. I qualify for the surgery (am I fat enough) and 2. Which of the three surgeries would be best for me.  I’d also find out the biggest obstacle – cost.  I’m not sure if my insurance would cover it (last time I looked it wouldn't) so I’m going in with the idea that I’m going to have to find a way to pay for this all on my own.

I've had a major setback where it comes to the exercise.  I've been waylaid by Mother Nature as well as a 15# weight gain that I cannot explain.  Seriously, this is a scary kind of jump in weight – who gains that much weight in two weeks?  I've never been one that “bloats” or retains water (and even if I did that’s a heck of a lot of water, right?).  It’s not like the holiday feasting was catching up to me because I didn't do any feasting (remember I worked all three holidays & frankly didn't feel like trying to be festive).  It has been suggested that I've hit by a major dose of depression, but that doesn't explain the weight gain to me.  …and before you ask, no it’s not my imagination.  Remember all those jeans I was so proud of because they actually made me look good?  Well I can’t wear them now.

Because this bothered me so much I made an appointment with my doctor for today. Granted it was time for the diabetic checkup, but I also wanted to talk to her about the weight loss surgery (something I've mentioned to her over the years but I've never been all that serious about it), the yeast infection & now this latest ‘what the hell is wrong with me now’ episode.  Hey making this appointment is a big step for me.  I keep thinking about Mom & how when she decided to get healthy & lose weight she found out she had Stage 4 lung cancer & died four months later.  Any other time something like this has happened I’d just stop & go back to my unhealthy ways.  This time I called the doc & am facing my fears.

…at least I was until this morning when the doctor’s office called to say she wasn't going to make it into the office today (who knew a 4⁰ day could cause so much havoc?) and would need to reschedule.  Seminar is the 21^st & doc appointment is now the 22^nd…two weeks of me going crazy in my head – not to mention classes starting in a week.  I don’t need a man in my life to drive me crazy, I tend to do it to myself. *sigh*

2014: Brought to you by the letter “H” Health, Home & Happiness

                It’s that time of the year again when people make lists of things they want to change in the coming year.  Sometimes they actually cross things off but more often than not the list is forgotten by mid-March and things stay the same.  Don’t get me wrong I’m just like those people I’m talking about; only most of the time I don’t even make it to March!

                So what makes 2014 any different?  A few weeks before Dad died we got into one of our “discussions” about him signing up for Medicare & going into a nursing home.  Out of nowhere he yells “What’s the point then?” That caught me completely off guard because I had no idea what in the world he was talking about.  He couldn’t understand why he bothered to keep the rental & get the reverse mortgage (he didn’t think he’d ever pay off the house & knew I couldn’t afford it) if he was just going to be forced to give everything away just because he was dying.  ...and if that wasn’t a kick in the teeth the other day I was talking to someone about the “mountain” of things he needed to figure out & (He’s always telling me if you don’t like the way things are find a way to change them.) I asked him how he was going to manage to get it all done.  He laughed and said “The same way I tacked that steak the other day – one bite at a time.”

                Ironically the first bite is my health.  This past year I’ve put on somewhere between 12-18 extra pounds, my hair has been falling out by the fistfuls & I’ve made 2 “extra” doctor appointments due to diabetic complications.  In my head I know the majority of it has been the stress of the last couple of years, not being able to afford my meds,  & getting off all the “better” eating habits I’d worked so hard on but frankly I just like the way I feel (let alone look).  I’ve already started working on saving the hair (that sounds funny coming from me doesn’t it J ) so it’s time for the overall health.  I’ve made up my mind that I want the weight loss surgery, now I need to start making the calls, going to the seminars & doing the work to make it happen.  I’ve dusted off the Wii & started playing it again and have had a couple of sessions with Shawn T (fun but Hip Hop Abs was not made for people with all this extra body!).  I know I have to work on “everything in moderation” & a few other things but …one bite at a time right?

                It’s time I stop thinking of NC as a stepping stone to where I want to be.  I’ve been here since ’96; this is home now.  That means it’s time to stop renting and find a place of my own.  I’d love to get out of my present situation asap but I know that’s not going to happen.  I need to find my “forever” home & I need to do it right.  That means finally figuring out what my financial situation is, fix it & go from there.  I’m in the process of working through the paperwork for a program a co-worker told me about.  If anyone has any suggestions, tips, inside information – don’t be shy; I need all the help I can get!

                I’m also not putting things off anymore.  That train trip to DC – it’s time to start planning it.  I’ve always wanted to go to Nashville, Savannah, the NFL Hall of Fame (how is it all the trips to C’town & I never made it??) hell even Amish Country…. the list is almost endless!  The point is there are still things I want to cross off my bucket list & I just bought a new pen!  Let’s see DC in 2014, Nashville or Alaska 2015?  Time to stop working just to live but to have something to live for.    

                …to paraphrase a line from RENT: 2014 it’s gonna be a good year.

               

               

                

Probably should stay away from me today

This is going to be one of those days in which everything/one is going to annoy me right? 

I order a bacon cheese burger only mustard.

Voice in drive-thru box: It doesn't come with mustard.

Me: Can you add mustard?

Voice: Ummmm...yes?  So you want mano, lettuce, tomato, onions & mustard.

Me: No, I want ONLY mustard.

Voice: Do you want cheese & bacon?

Me: I ordered a bacon cheese burger.

Voice: Yes?

Me: Is it a bacon cheese burger without bacon and/or cheese?

Voice: Ummmm... no...I guess it would be hamburger.

Me: Did I order a hamburger only mustard?

Voice: No. (after a brief pause) ...so you don't want the mayo, lettuce tomato and onions?

Thirty minutes later I'm at home trying to work on my labs when my phone rings; it's the reverse mortage company. She sounds young and unsure of what to say next; this is not the woman that I've been dealing with the last six months or so.

Her: I'm calling about the property at _____________________.

Me: Yes?

Her: We have reports that it's vacant.

Me: You mean when I called to let you know Dad died & asked what were my options?

Her: Yes.

Me:  ...ok?  <silence from her - a long uncomfortable silence> Nothing's changed, he's still dead.

Her: Ummm... well .. uh... we just needed to know ..um... if.. uh.. is it still being maintained?

Me:  <Confused> Maintained?

Her: Uh..yes, it's vacant right?

Me: Yes, as I said, he's dead & no longer living there or anywhere else.

Her: Yes... but is the property still maintained?

Me: I don't know what you're asking; why don't you tell me what you want to know?

Her: Are you going to sell the property or what?  Are the lights & water still on?

Me:  I was told I had six months to make that decision; it's barely been two.

Her: ...oh yes that's true, just let us know when you've decieded.

Me: Ok <another uncomfortable silence>  Is there anything else?

Her: Uh...no... goodbye.

9/3/13

Two more calls made this morning.  The first was to the reverse mortgage company.  Late last week I got a package (i.e very thick envelope) that basically said if I didn't have my ducks in a row 30 days from when informed them of his death I would have foreclosed on the house.  Now technically since it's only his credit a foreclosure would be ruining that's not a bad thing but there are still a few things in the house I haven't been able to get out of the house yet (remember the whole Uhaul issue?).

Candy says that foreclosure isn't on the table yet, but it is an option.  She still needs some paperwork from me (reciept for the probate - more on that later) and a copy of the will (can't believe so many people need that - shouldn't that be private?  Jeepers when the wills are read on "All My Children" they never show Jackson Montgomery sending copies to everyone that asks for one.)  Yes I still need to have the house appraised (and as soon as I find out what my clinical schedule is/or the life insurance check arrives I'll make that appointment) but nothing can be done on my end or theirs until that happens.  Just when I was about to breathe easier she hits me with the "do you know what you want to do" question.  I hate that question almost as much as I hate the "how are you doing question".  Of course I don't know what I'm going to do, you just told me I couldn't do anything until the appraisal has been done, how do you expect me to tell you what I'm going to do until I have all the information?  Yes I know you're just doing your job but please understand it's only been 31 days.  Had your company given me the information of the options, etc. when I called back in February I would be better prepared for such queries.  Now you have to work on my schedule for awhile.

So I keep getting these letters from Dad's creditors starting off with the "we're sorry for your loss" crap followed very quickly by "we need you to send us papers so we can take everything you own".  Ok, that's slightly an exaggeration, but not by much.  Basically they are trying to get what they are owed by attaching themselves to the estate.  The question is what is considered an estate.  Next phone call was to the probate office of the Norfolk Circuit Court.  Turns out since Dad didn't have any tangible assets (anything that can be picked up and moved (his definition not mine), including bank accounts, bonds, etc) he didn't have an estate.  So what did I spend all that money on?  Putting the will on record and transferring the houses in my name.  According to Javier at the probate office, since there is no estate, the creditors can't do anything, unless they put a lien on the houses.  IF that happens I wouldn't be able to sell them until the bills are paid.

8/30/13

Another morning of Dad's dead calls (Dcc).  (Yeah I thought I was done as well!).  The first one today was to Mail Handlers Benefit Plan (MHBP) b/c Dad received a check that obviously he can't cash.  I had such a fun conversation with customer service rep Lisa (although I'm not sure she felt the same way).   First she wanted to know of OPM had been notified (for all you civilians that's Office of Personnel Management) of his death (they have).  "I don't think they have ma'am otherwise you wouldn't still be getting checks."

"I don't understand, what does OPM have to do with his insurance?"

"Nothing, they're the ones that send his retirement checks.'"

"But I'm not calling about his retirement check, I'm calling about a check from the insurance - I did call MHBP right?"

"Are you sure??"

"I'm pretty sure... the check is from Mail Handlers Benefit Plan and only for $87.  I know the government is still in sequester but I'm pretty sure we can afford to pay our military retirees a little more than $87 a month."

After she realized I actually did call the right place of business she became a bit more informative.  Because my name is not on his insurance (again why would it??) I can't change the address on the account to mine without a POA on file.  I have a POA but LEGALLY it died when he died (per Lawyer Steve; Lisa even Googled it b/c "I've never heard of such").  Lisa said as far as the insurance was concerned, they just needed the POA on file - (NOT the will that names me as Executor (WTF??)).

Next problem for her to tackle - the check.  After some research she found out that it was sent to Dad in order to pay for his last ambulance trip.  No problem, I don't have an issue with that - now how do I get it to them?  "Well you could deposit it in his account & write them a check from it to Norfolk Fire- Rescue."  Ummm.... he's dead, the account has been closed; that's not an option.  "Oh yeah... hang on."

A few minutes later she comes back and says if I take the will, death certificate & probate papers to my bank (NFCU) I should be able to cash the checks (evidently there may be more coming as the claims are processed.  That will have to be another Dcc - the closest brick and mortar branch is in Fayetteville.  I may have to check into what it would take to open an estate account as Lawyer Steve suggested the week Dad died.  I didn't see a need for it then - it's not like he had any money & I wasn't paying any of the bills... never thought about money coming to him in this way. *sigh*

I got a package from the reverse mortgage company yesterday.  Because of timing issues it looks like they are going to try and foreclose on the property before I have a chance to make an informed decision.  I'll post more when I have more info.  Yes... I know I still need to post about probate court (will take me longer to post than it took to go through), hopefully I'll get to that this weekend.

8/16/13

….remember when I said I thought I was finished with all the “Dad’s dead” calls?  Well as it often happens, I was wrong.  J  Yesterday I got a letter from Travelers letting me know that the electronic payment for his homeowners insurance had been declined.  Oh crap!

Talked to a very nice and informative CSR named Lorie (see there are good ones out there).   Unless I can get the houses in my name she can’t change the policy over to my name or make any real changes (she was able to change the mailing address to mine that’s a plus!).  The policies are active and “sort-of” current so I’m not in danger of defaulting on those – yet.  On 9/7 I need to pay $88.50 on the rental (with the total due by 11/1 of $169.01 that I can pay off at any time) and $169.84 on the one he was living in (with total due by 10.17 of $499.52 that I can pay off at any time).  Happy Happy Joy Joy…

Finally got in touch with Javier; from Norfolk Circuit Court.  I’ve made an appointment for Probate Court for 9 am Monday 8/26.  I need to bring the original will, a death certificate (only the second ‘real’ one I’ve had to use) and a method of payment.  Since I can’t do ANYTHING until this is done I need to get the funds together and the ball rolling. 

… and if you’ll indulge me a bit of… well just keep reading.  The other day I was asked on my blog why I keep posting about all of this and in such detail.  At first I was taken aback by the question (after all it’s not like I’m forcing anyone to read, right?) but after a minute or two I decided to answer the question.  In a nutshell… 1. Because I’ve always been a journaler of sorts. It’s how I work things out, it’s how I try to make permanent things I don’t want to forget (or in some cases make sure they really did happen the way I felt they did J ), and in a way I guess it’s one way to leave proof that I was here.  2. And the biggest reason has to be so that someone – anyone can learn from my experience.  I keep saying someone needs to write a book on what you’re supposed to do when the last parent dies, but frankly you wouldn’t have time to read it.  There are so many things that didn’t happen when Mom died since dad was still alive that just automatically transferred to him.  Dad, no matter what else you think of my account of our relationship, was a very proud man.  For him to allow me to help him these last 7 years or so with all of his health issues was a HUGE concession especially considering our relationship for most of my life.  But because he was so proud, and because he felt it was his duty as a man to take care of his children (and not the other way around) there were things that I didn’t know and/or couldn’t convince him was not only in his best interests but mine.  There are also a ton of things we didn’t know or even consider finding out about.  If I can help someone else navigate these waters, get their plans in place, look at what they want for their parents and/or kids then blurting out my private information for the world to see is just my way of giving back.  It’s my way of saying how much I appreciate those that have been helping me through all of this muck.

Thanks for reading.  Now go start working on your “this is what I want to happen if something happens to me” notebook.  J

8/14/13

(Note to those who buy hold music:  IF you're going to buy "looped" music DO NOT keep your customers on hold for 22:45 minutes.  The next gone postal case is going to be someone with a Bluetooth earpiece in one ear & a hammer in hand running towards the IT/Telephony department)

Deep breath.  OK, got the last of the "Dad's dead" calls done (I hope).  This one was to Dominion Power & it was saved for last because I thought it would be the easiest.  Not so much...not in the least.  Lisa the CSR that first took my call was professionally respectful and unnecessarily apologetic that she had to put me on hold in order to research the situation.  I got the feeling very early on that the first line csr agents are not trained to deal with customers that die.  I know it’s probably not something every rep with encounter every day but it has to happen more often than never right? 

After about 2 minutes she came back and let me know if I canceled the budget plan that Dad was on (I put him on it several years ago when it looked like he was going to go to jail for his multiple DUI charges) the total balance would be come due.  Since I needed to keep the power on until I finally figure out what I’m going to do with the house I couldn’t just write it off to the “dead people’s file”.  She wasn’t sure if I would have to put the power in my name or…

Oh wait… who’s Janice Huntley; is she available?  She is on the account and she’s the only one that can make changes to the account.  *Sigh* Poor Lisa didn't know what to say after I told her Mom was not available since she died in ’98.  At that point there was nothing more she could do, she had to transfer me to the Residential Department – again she apologized almost sadly.

The automated voice told me my wait would be about 20 minutes but that I could do nearly everything under the sun on the Dom.com website.  Everything it turned out EXCEPT everything I needed to do.  Great.  Ms. Snowden had to go through all the same steps that poor Lisa did 23 minutes earlier.  She was able to cancel the budget plan so instead of owing $188 by 8/30 I only have to come up with $109.53.  (Is anyone else laughing with me?)  The next bill will go out on 9/16 & will only be for the power used (“so the more you turn off the lower your bill will be”…really Ms. Snowden, I didn’t know that).

So now on top of my own stuff I've taken on Dad’s power, water, and property taxes on both houses … I’m almost afraid to ask if there’s anything else I forgot to take care of or someone I should have called.  No time to worry about it now, I’m running late for work.

...and the good news just keeps coming...

Finally got around to talking to someone at the reverse mortgage company for the house Dad was living in.  Candy was very nice & informative - but dang she talked too fast for the amount of information she was giving me.  I'm sure she got tired of me asking her to slow down, repeat, or the zillions of questions I had. So here's the deal:

I have three options: 1. clean everything out of the house and turn it over to them 2. buy it or 3. sell it.  Before anything can be done they are required to send out an appraiser to find out the true value of the house. (Which means I have another trip in my not so distant future coming up.)  The good news is that if it's appraised for less than the loan they'll let me buy it for 95% of the appraised value.  :) /sarcasm

The second (and probably the most devastating) chunk of news is that NONE of this can be done until the will has been probated.  According to VA law there is no time frame on when it has to be probated...however the mortgage company has a different set of rules.  I have 6 months from date of death (7/28 in case you're counting) for one of the three above options and a possibility of two 90 day extensions once the wheels have started turning.  ..and just in case you don't remember from my many posts before in order to probate the will all fees & taxes must be paid up front.

8/11/13

This has been one of those days that has been “off” for me since I woke up this morning and I haven’t been able to figure out why.  I don’t think its one thing or the other…but it’s something… and it’s frustrating that I can’t put my finger on it.  I’m the kind of person that needs a solution to the problem (even if the solution isn’t doable); I don’t do well with the abstract kind of solution.

The other day I was talking (i.e. texting) with Russ & he asked me how I was doing.  Russ is one of the few friends that I can actually say anything to & it doesn’t phase him in the least little bit (yes even those monthly issues).  I just blurted out that my eyes were tired and how strange that felt to me.  I didn’t know how else to explain it… they just blasted hurt.  If I closed them they felt better but otherwise they just burned, ached and/or hurt.  As is his nature (at least with me) he said that was pretty normal and that I’d been through a lot these last few months; I just needed sleep and water.  Sleep and water?  Ok if you say so.  Don’t tell Russ, but I did sleep in an extra hour the next morning.  My eyes are still ‘sore’ but not nearly as much as when I talked to him.

I know it’s hard to believe someone like me is a private person…especially considering how much of my non-existent life is on Facebook and my blog… hang on a second.  I don’t think I’m a private person per se… I just don’t tell anyone how I feel about things that are important to me because they won’t get it.  That sort of hit me today when I was cleaning the house (sort of).  Let me explain.

I was dusting off the bookcase that I wasn’t sure I wanted to bring home with me (although secretly I really did want to save it)….and at the time I couldn’t figure out what the hesitation was.  Even while I was at Dad’s I felt like I let Shawn talk me into taking it back with me (I needed something to put all this stuff I was going to have to go through of Dad’s but I wasn’t sure I really had the physical space for it…. at least that’s what I kept telling myself).  So I’m sitting on the floor & I’m trying to dust the bottom shelf when I get a memory flash that hit me hard.  It’s a Saturday morning at the old house (the one I grew up in, the one we’re … ooops I’m renting) & I’m sitting on the floor dusting this very same bookcase.  It’s up against the half wall that separated the living room and kitchen.  It was loaded with some of Mom’s books & I had to make sure I put them in the same order she had them in (gee I wonder where I got that from).  I’ve always thought that Dad built that bookshelf for Mom; don’t know if it’s true or not, but it’s always been her shelf… and I didn’t even realize that until today.  Funny how that works out isn’t it.

Fred came by to pick up the camping stove and spoon today.  He kept saying if I changed my mind about some of the things he put his “dot” on & wanted to keep them he’d understand.  That’s something else I keep hearing from people that had “dotted” items.  I have yet to understand why I keep hearing the same thing over and over again until I talked to Fred. 

Because of his drinking, Dad and I have had a rocky relationship since day one; it only got better once Mom died ironically (there’s something about realizing we are the only ones we had left that made us work on our relationship).  I’m starting to see how funny it looks to “outsiders” the things I want to keep of his and the things I have no problem getting tossing in the trash.  For example there is one tool box that I wanted – have no idea what’s in it or if I’ll ever use any of the tools in it (and I KNOW I don’t have the space for it) and one particular plant.  I wanted to make sure I had room in my truck to bring that plant back (and one for a friend of mind that I had no attachment to what so ever)  that  I was kind of short with Shawn when I realized I didn’t have room to bring it back this trip.  I’m just glad she stood her ground and didn’t back down to me b/c frankly right now I haven’t pulled out space for it yet.  Dad’s plaques and ships had to come back with me, I want his water bottle full of change, and all the records/camera equipment.  There were a few dishes, pots/pans that I wanted….seriously who wants a pot that is only 3” across?  Me that’s who.

The other thing I’m having a hard time getting used to is not jumping every time the phone rings (which doesn’t happen nearly as much now that he’s dead… which brings point #2: dead vs passed.  Dad is dead, he died – he didn’t “pass”).  I don’t have to answer every phone call I get (which means if you call from a number I don’t recognize you better leave a message) and/or have to have the phone sitting on the table 24/7.  Very strange feeling since that’s been my main concern for the last few years –phone above all else in case something happened with him.  Things are so much more different than they were when Mom died.

When do I go back to normal?