Postseceret

I was able to go to a Postsecret event a couple of weeks ago in Charlotte.  One thing that stuck me with me was Frank's explanation as why so many people spent part of their Sunday's reading his blog.  He said that something to the effect that it was comforting to know that somewhere someone felt the very same way you do.  Today was one of those times.

Trying not to panic

This year is off to a slow start where my resolutions are concerned, but I’m still plugging away.

The other day I made an appointment to attend a weight loss surgery seminar.  It’s the first step in finding out if 1. I qualify for the surgery (am I fat enough) and 2. Which of the three surgeries would be best for me.  I’d also find out the biggest obstacle – cost.  I’m not sure if my insurance would cover it (last time I looked it wouldn't) so I’m going in with the idea that I’m going to have to find a way to pay for this all on my own.

I've had a major setback where it comes to the exercise.  I've been waylaid by Mother Nature as well as a 15# weight gain that I cannot explain.  Seriously, this is a scary kind of jump in weight – who gains that much weight in two weeks?  I've never been one that “bloats” or retains water (and even if I did that’s a heck of a lot of water, right?).  It’s not like the holiday feasting was catching up to me because I didn't do any feasting (remember I worked all three holidays & frankly didn't feel like trying to be festive).  It has been suggested that I've hit by a major dose of depression, but that doesn't explain the weight gain to me.  …and before you ask, no it’s not my imagination.  Remember all those jeans I was so proud of because they actually made me look good?  Well I can’t wear them now.

Because this bothered me so much I made an appointment with my doctor for today. Granted it was time for the diabetic checkup, but I also wanted to talk to her about the weight loss surgery (something I've mentioned to her over the years but I've never been all that serious about it), the yeast infection & now this latest ‘what the hell is wrong with me now’ episode.  Hey making this appointment is a big step for me.  I keep thinking about Mom & how when she decided to get healthy & lose weight she found out she had Stage 4 lung cancer & died four months later.  Any other time something like this has happened I’d just stop & go back to my unhealthy ways.  This time I called the doc & am facing my fears.

…at least I was until this morning when the doctor’s office called to say she wasn't going to make it into the office today (who knew a 4⁰ day could cause so much havoc?) and would need to reschedule.  Seminar is the 21^st & doc appointment is now the 22^nd…two weeks of me going crazy in my head – not to mention classes starting in a week.  I don’t need a man in my life to drive me crazy, I tend to do it to myself. *sigh*

2014: Brought to you by the letter “H” Health, Home & Happiness

                It’s that time of the year again when people make lists of things they want to change in the coming year.  Sometimes they actually cross things off but more often than not the list is forgotten by mid-March and things stay the same.  Don’t get me wrong I’m just like those people I’m talking about; only most of the time I don’t even make it to March!

                So what makes 2014 any different?  A few weeks before Dad died we got into one of our “discussions” about him signing up for Medicare & going into a nursing home.  Out of nowhere he yells “What’s the point then?” That caught me completely off guard because I had no idea what in the world he was talking about.  He couldn’t understand why he bothered to keep the rental & get the reverse mortgage (he didn’t think he’d ever pay off the house & knew I couldn’t afford it) if he was just going to be forced to give everything away just because he was dying.  ...and if that wasn’t a kick in the teeth the other day I was talking to someone about the “mountain” of things he needed to figure out & (He’s always telling me if you don’t like the way things are find a way to change them.) I asked him how he was going to manage to get it all done.  He laughed and said “The same way I tacked that steak the other day – one bite at a time.”

                Ironically the first bite is my health.  This past year I’ve put on somewhere between 12-18 extra pounds, my hair has been falling out by the fistfuls & I’ve made 2 “extra” doctor appointments due to diabetic complications.  In my head I know the majority of it has been the stress of the last couple of years, not being able to afford my meds,  & getting off all the “better” eating habits I’d worked so hard on but frankly I just like the way I feel (let alone look).  I’ve already started working on saving the hair (that sounds funny coming from me doesn’t it J ) so it’s time for the overall health.  I’ve made up my mind that I want the weight loss surgery, now I need to start making the calls, going to the seminars & doing the work to make it happen.  I’ve dusted off the Wii & started playing it again and have had a couple of sessions with Shawn T (fun but Hip Hop Abs was not made for people with all this extra body!).  I know I have to work on “everything in moderation” & a few other things but …one bite at a time right?

                It’s time I stop thinking of NC as a stepping stone to where I want to be.  I’ve been here since ’96; this is home now.  That means it’s time to stop renting and find a place of my own.  I’d love to get out of my present situation asap but I know that’s not going to happen.  I need to find my “forever” home & I need to do it right.  That means finally figuring out what my financial situation is, fix it & go from there.  I’m in the process of working through the paperwork for a program a co-worker told me about.  If anyone has any suggestions, tips, inside information – don’t be shy; I need all the help I can get!

                I’m also not putting things off anymore.  That train trip to DC – it’s time to start planning it.  I’ve always wanted to go to Nashville, Savannah, the NFL Hall of Fame (how is it all the trips to C’town & I never made it??) hell even Amish Country…. the list is almost endless!  The point is there are still things I want to cross off my bucket list & I just bought a new pen!  Let’s see DC in 2014, Nashville or Alaska 2015?  Time to stop working just to live but to have something to live for.    

                …to paraphrase a line from RENT: 2014 it’s gonna be a good year.

               

               

                

Probably should stay away from me today

This is going to be one of those days in which everything/one is going to annoy me right? 

I order a bacon cheese burger only mustard.

Voice in drive-thru box: It doesn't come with mustard.

Me: Can you add mustard?

Voice: Ummmm...yes?  So you want mano, lettuce, tomato, onions & mustard.

Me: No, I want ONLY mustard.

Voice: Do you want cheese & bacon?

Me: I ordered a bacon cheese burger.

Voice: Yes?

Me: Is it a bacon cheese burger without bacon and/or cheese?

Voice: Ummmm... no...I guess it would be hamburger.

Me: Did I order a hamburger only mustard?

Voice: No. (after a brief pause) ...so you don't want the mayo, lettuce tomato and onions?

Thirty minutes later I'm at home trying to work on my labs when my phone rings; it's the reverse mortage company. She sounds young and unsure of what to say next; this is not the woman that I've been dealing with the last six months or so.

Her: I'm calling about the property at _____________________.

Me: Yes?

Her: We have reports that it's vacant.

Me: You mean when I called to let you know Dad died & asked what were my options?

Her: Yes.

Me:  ...ok?  <silence from her - a long uncomfortable silence> Nothing's changed, he's still dead.

Her: Ummm... well .. uh... we just needed to know ..um... if.. uh.. is it still being maintained?

Me:  <Confused> Maintained?

Her: Uh..yes, it's vacant right?

Me: Yes, as I said, he's dead & no longer living there or anywhere else.

Her: Yes... but is the property still maintained?

Me: I don't know what you're asking; why don't you tell me what you want to know?

Her: Are you going to sell the property or what?  Are the lights & water still on?

Me:  I was told I had six months to make that decision; it's barely been two.

Her: ...oh yes that's true, just let us know when you've decieded.

Me: Ok <another uncomfortable silence>  Is there anything else?

Her: Uh...no... goodbye.

9/3/13

Two more calls made this morning.  The first was to the reverse mortgage company.  Late last week I got a package (i.e very thick envelope) that basically said if I didn't have my ducks in a row 30 days from when informed them of his death I would have foreclosed on the house.  Now technically since it's only his credit a foreclosure would be ruining that's not a bad thing but there are still a few things in the house I haven't been able to get out of the house yet (remember the whole Uhaul issue?).

Candy says that foreclosure isn't on the table yet, but it is an option.  She still needs some paperwork from me (reciept for the probate - more on that later) and a copy of the will (can't believe so many people need that - shouldn't that be private?  Jeepers when the wills are read on "All My Children" they never show Jackson Montgomery sending copies to everyone that asks for one.)  Yes I still need to have the house appraised (and as soon as I find out what my clinical schedule is/or the life insurance check arrives I'll make that appointment) but nothing can be done on my end or theirs until that happens.  Just when I was about to breathe easier she hits me with the "do you know what you want to do" question.  I hate that question almost as much as I hate the "how are you doing question".  Of course I don't know what I'm going to do, you just told me I couldn't do anything until the appraisal has been done, how do you expect me to tell you what I'm going to do until I have all the information?  Yes I know you're just doing your job but please understand it's only been 31 days.  Had your company given me the information of the options, etc. when I called back in February I would be better prepared for such queries.  Now you have to work on my schedule for awhile.

So I keep getting these letters from Dad's creditors starting off with the "we're sorry for your loss" crap followed very quickly by "we need you to send us papers so we can take everything you own".  Ok, that's slightly an exaggeration, but not by much.  Basically they are trying to get what they are owed by attaching themselves to the estate.  The question is what is considered an estate.  Next phone call was to the probate office of the Norfolk Circuit Court.  Turns out since Dad didn't have any tangible assets (anything that can be picked up and moved (his definition not mine), including bank accounts, bonds, etc) he didn't have an estate.  So what did I spend all that money on?  Putting the will on record and transferring the houses in my name.  According to Javier at the probate office, since there is no estate, the creditors can't do anything, unless they put a lien on the houses.  IF that happens I wouldn't be able to sell them until the bills are paid.

8/30/13

Another morning of Dad's dead calls (Dcc).  (Yeah I thought I was done as well!).  The first one today was to Mail Handlers Benefit Plan (MHBP) b/c Dad received a check that obviously he can't cash.  I had such a fun conversation with customer service rep Lisa (although I'm not sure she felt the same way).   First she wanted to know of OPM had been notified (for all you civilians that's Office of Personnel Management) of his death (they have).  "I don't think they have ma'am otherwise you wouldn't still be getting checks."

"I don't understand, what does OPM have to do with his insurance?"

"Nothing, they're the ones that send his retirement checks.'"

"But I'm not calling about his retirement check, I'm calling about a check from the insurance - I did call MHBP right?"

"Are you sure??"

"I'm pretty sure... the check is from Mail Handlers Benefit Plan and only for $87.  I know the government is still in sequester but I'm pretty sure we can afford to pay our military retirees a little more than $87 a month."

After she realized I actually did call the right place of business she became a bit more informative.  Because my name is not on his insurance (again why would it??) I can't change the address on the account to mine without a POA on file.  I have a POA but LEGALLY it died when he died (per Lawyer Steve; Lisa even Googled it b/c "I've never heard of such").  Lisa said as far as the insurance was concerned, they just needed the POA on file - (NOT the will that names me as Executor (WTF??)).

Next problem for her to tackle - the check.  After some research she found out that it was sent to Dad in order to pay for his last ambulance trip.  No problem, I don't have an issue with that - now how do I get it to them?  "Well you could deposit it in his account & write them a check from it to Norfolk Fire- Rescue."  Ummm.... he's dead, the account has been closed; that's not an option.  "Oh yeah... hang on."

A few minutes later she comes back and says if I take the will, death certificate & probate papers to my bank (NFCU) I should be able to cash the checks (evidently there may be more coming as the claims are processed.  That will have to be another Dcc - the closest brick and mortar branch is in Fayetteville.  I may have to check into what it would take to open an estate account as Lawyer Steve suggested the week Dad died.  I didn't see a need for it then - it's not like he had any money & I wasn't paying any of the bills... never thought about money coming to him in this way. *sigh*

I got a package from the reverse mortgage company yesterday.  Because of timing issues it looks like they are going to try and foreclose on the property before I have a chance to make an informed decision.  I'll post more when I have more info.  Yes... I know I still need to post about probate court (will take me longer to post than it took to go through), hopefully I'll get to that this weekend.

8/16/13

….remember when I said I thought I was finished with all the “Dad’s dead” calls?  Well as it often happens, I was wrong.  J  Yesterday I got a letter from Travelers letting me know that the electronic payment for his homeowners insurance had been declined.  Oh crap!

Talked to a very nice and informative CSR named Lorie (see there are good ones out there).   Unless I can get the houses in my name she can’t change the policy over to my name or make any real changes (she was able to change the mailing address to mine that’s a plus!).  The policies are active and “sort-of” current so I’m not in danger of defaulting on those – yet.  On 9/7 I need to pay $88.50 on the rental (with the total due by 11/1 of $169.01 that I can pay off at any time) and $169.84 on the one he was living in (with total due by 10.17 of $499.52 that I can pay off at any time).  Happy Happy Joy Joy…

Finally got in touch with Javier; from Norfolk Circuit Court.  I’ve made an appointment for Probate Court for 9 am Monday 8/26.  I need to bring the original will, a death certificate (only the second ‘real’ one I’ve had to use) and a method of payment.  Since I can’t do ANYTHING until this is done I need to get the funds together and the ball rolling. 

… and if you’ll indulge me a bit of… well just keep reading.  The other day I was asked on my blog why I keep posting about all of this and in such detail.  At first I was taken aback by the question (after all it’s not like I’m forcing anyone to read, right?) but after a minute or two I decided to answer the question.  In a nutshell… 1. Because I’ve always been a journaler of sorts. It’s how I work things out, it’s how I try to make permanent things I don’t want to forget (or in some cases make sure they really did happen the way I felt they did J ), and in a way I guess it’s one way to leave proof that I was here.  2. And the biggest reason has to be so that someone – anyone can learn from my experience.  I keep saying someone needs to write a book on what you’re supposed to do when the last parent dies, but frankly you wouldn’t have time to read it.  There are so many things that didn’t happen when Mom died since dad was still alive that just automatically transferred to him.  Dad, no matter what else you think of my account of our relationship, was a very proud man.  For him to allow me to help him these last 7 years or so with all of his health issues was a HUGE concession especially considering our relationship for most of my life.  But because he was so proud, and because he felt it was his duty as a man to take care of his children (and not the other way around) there were things that I didn’t know and/or couldn’t convince him was not only in his best interests but mine.  There are also a ton of things we didn’t know or even consider finding out about.  If I can help someone else navigate these waters, get their plans in place, look at what they want for their parents and/or kids then blurting out my private information for the world to see is just my way of giving back.  It’s my way of saying how much I appreciate those that have been helping me through all of this muck.

Thanks for reading.  Now go start working on your “this is what I want to happen if something happens to me” notebook.  J