9/26/2012 8:43 PM

I know it’s been while since I’ve updated to say things have been crazy would be an understatement.  Let’s see how much I can put out there tonight & maybe if I’m still dealing with a case of diarrhea of the fingers I’ll do some more later this week.

School:  Believe it or not I’ve kept my kaper chart schedule in tact for the most part.  The study group for BIO is on Wednesday nights at 7 for at least 30 minutes.  I can’t say that it’s very helpful because there are only two of us in it & to be honest this class is not the first priority for either one of us.  On the flip side being that there are only two of us in the group we can actually work together on when we want to meet or if something comes up we can text each other and reschedule (we only have to meet once a week for at least 30 minutes).

As for the rest of my classes, believe it or not I seem to be hanging in there – surprise surprise!  Yes, I’m honestly surprised.  Don’t get me wrong, I have to work my butt off in BIO (science just isn’t my thing) and Med Terminology (I’ve never been good at memorizing things for the sake of memorizing) but my grades aren’t all that bad.  I know where I’m going to not do so well & instead of spending all my time on that, I focus on the things that I know I do well or could do better if I spend a few more minutes working on.  For example the cell section in my BIO class was going to kick my ass no matter how much time I spent on it.  So instead I focused on the terminology and critical thinking portions of the exams and let the lecture part go.

I have to admit the core class (Health Data Systems and Standards) is my favorite.  There’s a ton more reading (I don’t think I’ve completed the entire reading for any module yet.) but it’s also more hands on.  I also believe that all the time I spent in IT at TLSP & Epixtar is helping out tremendously.  I don’t need to learn about databases and how they are created, maintained or secured; I did that for the past 10 years or so.  Same thing goes for learning what data is considered private and who can or can not request information; I got that.  J  It gives me time to work on the medical stuff that I don’t know…and for the most part that’s even kind of interesting.

The COM class for me is a waste of time.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’m above this class or anything, I just wish I didn’t have to take it.  (I did graduate Catwaba College with an English degree afterall; I know how important communication is.)  Unfortunately I needed 12 hours for the WIA program and this was the only elective listed that I haven’t already taken in my zillions of years of college education. That only means that it should be an easy A (or at least a high B) and will bring up the GPA of the rest of the classes right?

Job:  There isn’t any good news on this front; in fact I’ve had nothing but bad news.  I’ve had 4 interviews (including one yesterday) since I started looking March 1^st.  I got my last unemployment payment Tuesday unless I get another miracle and it’s extended again (I’m not holding my breath that it will happen.).  The food stamps (all $16 a month) also expire at the end of October.  Monday I’m going back to DHSS in hopes that I will qualify for the Free Clinic so that I can see a doctor (I’m 6 months late for having the diabetes checked, 3 months late for the pap smear recheck and overdue for both the dentist and ophthalmologist.)  and while I’m there I’m going to see if I can have the food stamps extended.  Yes I know $16 isn’t a lot of money but it helps and right now I can use all the help I can get.

Dad:  Things have gone from bad to worse with him in some ways.  He was doing well enough with his physical and occupational therapy (for his right hand) that they scheduled a home visit the Tuesday after Memorial Day.  That’s when the therapists go with the patient and a family member back to the home & watch them maneuver around the house, doing their daily things & evaluate how well they do them.  It’s supposed to give them a goal of what therapy still needs to be accomplished before they’re released.  The visit didn’t go as well as either Dad or I had hoped; both of us had to realize that he may not be able to do some of the things he was able to do before the fall & he had to accept the fact that he’s going to need help in the house if he wants to continue living on his own (at least for the short term).  He seemed to be ok with that a lot easier than I thought he would be, but then again that fall really scared him (when he’s the one that suggested getting a medical alert system you know he was scared). 

Dad was probably a week out from being released when he picked up a nasty (as if there is any other kind) case of Clostridium difficile.  After having the symptoms for over a week they finally decided it might be a good idea to test him and figure out what was going on.  It took four days for the test to come back and 10 days of isolation and for the first round of antibiotics to go through.  The other day the facility called to tell me that he still isn’t well and they’ve ordered another 15 days of the antibiotic.  He’s also having an issue with his heart rate slowing and no one seems to know what the deal is with that.  Today when I called him he was complaining about his ankles being swollen (which were what started all of these hospital visits to begin with).  …oh and did I mention that the doctor came in to see him one day and decided that because he was holding his right hand he was depressed and put him on an antidepressant.  The doctor was supposed to call me almost two weeks ago, but she hasn’t… and of course Dad doesn’t want me to make a fuss.  Pretty soon though he’s going to have to let me do it – we’re not getting answers & I don’t like it.

Bill:  …yeah I’m still not sure what to say about this one.  He left me.  That sounds so strange to say, but I don’t know how else to put it.  I can’t say he broke up with me because to be honest with you he didn’t.

Ok so what happened?  I don’t really know.  Things were going good for us, we were better than we’d been in months; so I thought.  There were a few weeks of the summer left, Levi was with his mom & Bill & I were spending more time with each other – just doing normal stuff.  He got a full time job working as a lab facilitator in early college education in the high schools – a perfect job for him.  I could tell that he was freaking out a little about working full time for the first time in several years but I thought that was all that it was – evidently I was wrong.

He surprised me by coming over here the Friday before he started (Tuesday after Memorial Day); especially since we had plans to spend Sunday at his house watching the games (first week of the season).  Everything was fine until he got ready to leave and I could tell something was wrong; he wouldn’t look at me & he was fighting back tears.  I wouldn’t let him leave – something told me just don’t let him go until he talks to you.  He that he didn’t want me to panic but that he was worried about the job, that he knew things were going to be different, but things were going to be ok.  I kissed him and let him go. 

Had I known it was going to be the last time I’d see or talk to him, I would have never let him leave.

Our schedules got in the way and we didn’t really talk much that first week of his new job. … at least that’s what I thought was happening – 2 months later & I’m not so sure.  Long story short he stopped calling, answering emails, or texts, and blocked me from his Facebook.  Eventually I got an email saying that he & his ex had been talking and he was sure they were going to get back together.  …only to be followed by another email saying that he didn’t see a future with her or a future with me and that he needed more time.  Not a word since.

The silence is deafening.

As dramatic as this is going to sound it’s the way I feel.  He told me that dealing with his feelings for his ex was like learning to live as an amputee.  I told him that I felt like his amputated limb; cut off and tossed away.  I believe he loved me.  I believe we may have had a chance at something real and good.  What I don’t understand is how it can all end so suddenly; how he could do to me what he always told me he was afraid I would do to him.  What she did to him…. ironically what he’s done to me.

*sigh*… on that note I think this is as good as place as any to stop with the updates.  Assuming anyone is still reading, it’s past your bedtime.  Sweet dreams.

9/26/2012 11:07 PM