9/26/2012 8:43 PM
I know it’s been while since I’ve updated to say things have
been crazy would be an understatement.
Let’s see how much I can put out there tonight & maybe if I’m still
dealing with a case of diarrhea of the fingers I’ll do some more later this
week.
School:
Believe it or not I’ve kept my kaper chart schedule in tact for the most
part. The study group for BIO is on
Wednesday nights at 7 for at least 30 minutes.
I can’t say that it’s very helpful because there are only two of us in
it & to be honest this class is not the first priority for either one of
us. On the flip side being that there
are only two of us in the group we can actually work together on when we want
to meet or if something comes up we can text each other and reschedule (we only
have to meet once a week for at least 30 minutes).
As for the rest of my classes, believe it or not I seem to
be hanging in there – surprise surprise!
Yes, I’m honestly surprised.
Don’t get me wrong, I have to work my butt off in BIO (science just
isn’t my thing) and Med Terminology (I’ve never been good at memorizing things
for the sake of memorizing) but my grades aren’t all that bad. I know where I’m going to not do so well
& instead of spending all my time on that, I focus on the things that I
know I do well or could do better if I spend a few more minutes working
on. For example the cell section in my
BIO class was going to kick my ass no matter how much time I spent on it. So instead I focused on the terminology and
critical thinking portions of the exams and let the lecture part go.
I have to admit the core class (Health Data Systems and
Standards) is my favorite. There’s a ton
more reading (I don’t think I’ve completed the entire reading for any module
yet.) but it’s also more hands on. I
also believe that all the time I spent in IT at TLSP & Epixtar is helping
out tremendously. I don’t need to learn
about databases and how they are created, maintained or secured; I did that for
the past 10 years or so. Same thing goes
for learning what data is considered private and who can or can not request
information; I got that. J It gives me time to work on the medical stuff
that I don’t know…and for the most part that’s even kind of interesting.
The COM class for me is a waste of time. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’m above
this class or anything, I just wish I didn’t have to take it. (I did graduate Catwaba College with an
English degree afterall; I know how important communication is.) Unfortunately I needed 12 hours for the WIA
program and this was the only elective listed that I haven’t already taken in
my zillions of years of college education. That only means that it should be an
easy A (or at least a high B) and will bring up the GPA of the rest of the
classes right?
Job: There
isn’t any good news on this front; in fact I’ve had nothing but bad news. I’ve had 4 interviews (including one
yesterday) since I started looking March 1st. I got my last unemployment payment Tuesday
unless I get another miracle and it’s extended again (I’m not holding my breath
that it will happen.). The food stamps
(all $16 a month) also expire at the end of October. Monday I’m going back to DHSS in hopes that I
will qualify for the Free Clinic so that I can see a doctor (I’m 6 months late
for having the diabetes checked, 3 months late for the pap smear recheck and
overdue for both the dentist and ophthalmologist.) and while I’m there I’m going to see if I can
have the food stamps extended. Yes I
know $16 isn’t a lot of money but it helps and right now I can use all the help
I can get.
Dad: Things
have gone from bad to worse with him in some ways. He was doing well enough with his physical
and occupational therapy (for his right hand) that they scheduled a home visit
the Tuesday after Memorial Day. That’s
when the therapists go with the patient and a family member back to the home
& watch them maneuver around the house, doing their daily things &
evaluate how well they do them. It’s
supposed to give them a goal of what therapy still needs to be accomplished
before they’re released. The visit
didn’t go as well as either Dad or I had hoped; both of us had to realize that
he may not be able to do some of the things he was able to do before the fall
& he had to accept the fact that he’s going to need help in the house if he
wants to continue living on his own (at least for the short term). He seemed to be ok with that a lot easier
than I thought he would be, but then again that fall really scared him (when he’s the one that suggested getting a medical
alert system you know he was scared).
Dad was probably a week out from being released when he
picked up a nasty (as if there is any other kind) case of Clostridium difficile. After having the symptoms
for over a week they finally decided it might be a good idea to test him and
figure out what was going on. It took
four days for the test to come back and 10 days of isolation and for the first
round of antibiotics to go through. The
other day the facility called to tell me that he still isn’t well and they’ve
ordered another 15 days of the antibiotic.
He’s also having an issue with his heart rate slowing and no one seems
to know what the deal is with that.
Today when I called him he was complaining about his ankles being
swollen (which were what started all of these hospital visits to begin with). …oh and did I mention that the doctor came in
to see him one day and decided that because he was holding his right hand he
was depressed and put him on an antidepressant.
The doctor was supposed to call me almost two weeks ago, but she hasn’t…
and of course Dad doesn’t want me to make a fuss. Pretty soon though he’s going to have to let
me do it – we’re not getting answers & I don’t like it.
Bill: …yeah
I’m still not sure what to say about this one.
He left me. That sounds so
strange to say, but I don’t know how else to put it. I can’t say he broke up with me because to be
honest with you he didn’t.
Ok so what
happened? I don’t really know. Things were going good for us, we were better
than we’d been in months; so I thought.
There were a few weeks of the summer left, Levi was with his mom &
Bill & I were spending more time with each other – just doing normal
stuff. He got a full time job working as
a lab facilitator in early college education in the high schools – a perfect
job for him. I could tell that he was
freaking out a little about working full time for the first time in several
years but I thought that was all that it was – evidently I was wrong.
He surprised me by
coming over here the Friday before he started (Tuesday after Memorial Day);
especially since we had plans to spend Sunday at his house watching the games
(first week of the season). Everything
was fine until he got ready to leave and I could tell something was wrong; he
wouldn’t look at me & he was fighting back tears. I wouldn’t let him leave – something told me
just don’t let him go until he talks to you.
He that he didn’t want me to panic but that he was worried about the
job, that he knew things were going to be different, but things were going to
be ok. I kissed him and let him go.
Had I known it was
going to be the last time I’d see or talk to him, I would have never let him
leave.
Our schedules got in
the way and we didn’t really talk much that first week of his new job. … at
least that’s what I thought was happening – 2 months later & I’m not so
sure. Long story short he stopped
calling, answering emails, or texts, and blocked me from his Facebook. Eventually I got an email saying that he &
his ex had been talking and he was sure they were going to get back
together. …only to be followed by
another email saying that he didn’t see a future with her or a future with me
and that he needed more time. Not a word
since.
The silence is
deafening.
As dramatic as this
is going to sound it’s the way I feel. He
told me that dealing with his feelings for his ex was like learning to live as
an amputee. I told him that I felt like his
amputated limb; cut off and tossed away.
I believe he loved me. I believe
we may have had a chance at something real and good. What I don’t understand is how it can all end
so suddenly; how he could do to me what he always told me he was afraid I would
do to him. What she did to him….
ironically what he’s done to me.
*sigh*… on that note
I think this is as good as place as any to stop with the updates. Assuming anyone is still reading, it’s past
your bedtime. Sweet dreams.
9/26/2012 11:07 PM
