8/30/13

Another morning of Dad's dead calls (Dcc).  (Yeah I thought I was done as well!).  The first one today was to Mail Handlers Benefit Plan (MHBP) b/c Dad received a check that obviously he can't cash.  I had such a fun conversation with customer service rep Lisa (although I'm not sure she felt the same way).   First she wanted to know of OPM had been notified (for all you civilians that's Office of Personnel Management) of his death (they have).  "I don't think they have ma'am otherwise you wouldn't still be getting checks."

"I don't understand, what does OPM have to do with his insurance?"

"Nothing, they're the ones that send his retirement checks.'"

"But I'm not calling about his retirement check, I'm calling about a check from the insurance - I did call MHBP right?"

"Are you sure??"

"I'm pretty sure... the check is from Mail Handlers Benefit Plan and only for $87.  I know the government is still in sequester but I'm pretty sure we can afford to pay our military retirees a little more than $87 a month."

After she realized I actually did call the right place of business she became a bit more informative.  Because my name is not on his insurance (again why would it??) I can't change the address on the account to mine without a POA on file.  I have a POA but LEGALLY it died when he died (per Lawyer Steve; Lisa even Googled it b/c "I've never heard of such").  Lisa said as far as the insurance was concerned, they just needed the POA on file - (NOT the will that names me as Executor (WTF??)).

Next problem for her to tackle - the check.  After some research she found out that it was sent to Dad in order to pay for his last ambulance trip.  No problem, I don't have an issue with that - now how do I get it to them?  "Well you could deposit it in his account & write them a check from it to Norfolk Fire- Rescue."  Ummm.... he's dead, the account has been closed; that's not an option.  "Oh yeah... hang on."

A few minutes later she comes back and says if I take the will, death certificate & probate papers to my bank (NFCU) I should be able to cash the checks (evidently there may be more coming as the claims are processed.  That will have to be another Dcc - the closest brick and mortar branch is in Fayetteville.  I may have to check into what it would take to open an estate account as Lawyer Steve suggested the week Dad died.  I didn't see a need for it then - it's not like he had any money & I wasn't paying any of the bills... never thought about money coming to him in this way. *sigh*

I got a package from the reverse mortgage company yesterday.  Because of timing issues it looks like they are going to try and foreclose on the property before I have a chance to make an informed decision.  I'll post more when I have more info.  Yes... I know I still need to post about probate court (will take me longer to post than it took to go through), hopefully I'll get to that this weekend.

8/16/13

….remember when I said I thought I was finished with all the “Dad’s dead” calls?  Well as it often happens, I was wrong.  J  Yesterday I got a letter from Travelers letting me know that the electronic payment for his homeowners insurance had been declined.  Oh crap!

Talked to a very nice and informative CSR named Lorie (see there are good ones out there).   Unless I can get the houses in my name she can’t change the policy over to my name or make any real changes (she was able to change the mailing address to mine that’s a plus!).  The policies are active and “sort-of” current so I’m not in danger of defaulting on those – yet.  On 9/7 I need to pay $88.50 on the rental (with the total due by 11/1 of $169.01 that I can pay off at any time) and $169.84 on the one he was living in (with total due by 10.17 of $499.52 that I can pay off at any time).  Happy Happy Joy Joy…

Finally got in touch with Javier; from Norfolk Circuit Court.  I’ve made an appointment for Probate Court for 9 am Monday 8/26.  I need to bring the original will, a death certificate (only the second ‘real’ one I’ve had to use) and a method of payment.  Since I can’t do ANYTHING until this is done I need to get the funds together and the ball rolling. 

… and if you’ll indulge me a bit of… well just keep reading.  The other day I was asked on my blog why I keep posting about all of this and in such detail.  At first I was taken aback by the question (after all it’s not like I’m forcing anyone to read, right?) but after a minute or two I decided to answer the question.  In a nutshell… 1. Because I’ve always been a journaler of sorts. It’s how I work things out, it’s how I try to make permanent things I don’t want to forget (or in some cases make sure they really did happen the way I felt they did J ), and in a way I guess it’s one way to leave proof that I was here.  2. And the biggest reason has to be so that someone – anyone can learn from my experience.  I keep saying someone needs to write a book on what you’re supposed to do when the last parent dies, but frankly you wouldn’t have time to read it.  There are so many things that didn’t happen when Mom died since dad was still alive that just automatically transferred to him.  Dad, no matter what else you think of my account of our relationship, was a very proud man.  For him to allow me to help him these last 7 years or so with all of his health issues was a HUGE concession especially considering our relationship for most of my life.  But because he was so proud, and because he felt it was his duty as a man to take care of his children (and not the other way around) there were things that I didn’t know and/or couldn’t convince him was not only in his best interests but mine.  There are also a ton of things we didn’t know or even consider finding out about.  If I can help someone else navigate these waters, get their plans in place, look at what they want for their parents and/or kids then blurting out my private information for the world to see is just my way of giving back.  It’s my way of saying how much I appreciate those that have been helping me through all of this muck.

Thanks for reading.  Now go start working on your “this is what I want to happen if something happens to me” notebook.  J

8/14/13

(Note to those who buy hold music:  IF you're going to buy "looped" music DO NOT keep your customers on hold for 22:45 minutes.  The next gone postal case is going to be someone with a Bluetooth earpiece in one ear & a hammer in hand running towards the IT/Telephony department)

Deep breath.  OK, got the last of the "Dad's dead" calls done (I hope).  This one was to Dominion Power & it was saved for last because I thought it would be the easiest.  Not so much...not in the least.  Lisa the CSR that first took my call was professionally respectful and unnecessarily apologetic that she had to put me on hold in order to research the situation.  I got the feeling very early on that the first line csr agents are not trained to deal with customers that die.  I know it’s probably not something every rep with encounter every day but it has to happen more often than never right? 

After about 2 minutes she came back and let me know if I canceled the budget plan that Dad was on (I put him on it several years ago when it looked like he was going to go to jail for his multiple DUI charges) the total balance would be come due.  Since I needed to keep the power on until I finally figure out what I’m going to do with the house I couldn’t just write it off to the “dead people’s file”.  She wasn’t sure if I would have to put the power in my name or…

Oh wait… who’s Janice Huntley; is she available?  She is on the account and she’s the only one that can make changes to the account.  *Sigh* Poor Lisa didn't know what to say after I told her Mom was not available since she died in ’98.  At that point there was nothing more she could do, she had to transfer me to the Residential Department – again she apologized almost sadly.

The automated voice told me my wait would be about 20 minutes but that I could do nearly everything under the sun on the Dom.com website.  Everything it turned out EXCEPT everything I needed to do.  Great.  Ms. Snowden had to go through all the same steps that poor Lisa did 23 minutes earlier.  She was able to cancel the budget plan so instead of owing $188 by 8/30 I only have to come up with $109.53.  (Is anyone else laughing with me?)  The next bill will go out on 9/16 & will only be for the power used (“so the more you turn off the lower your bill will be”…really Ms. Snowden, I didn’t know that).

So now on top of my own stuff I've taken on Dad’s power, water, and property taxes on both houses … I’m almost afraid to ask if there’s anything else I forgot to take care of or someone I should have called.  No time to worry about it now, I’m running late for work.

...and the good news just keeps coming...

Finally got around to talking to someone at the reverse mortgage company for the house Dad was living in.  Candy was very nice & informative - but dang she talked too fast for the amount of information she was giving me.  I'm sure she got tired of me asking her to slow down, repeat, or the zillions of questions I had. So here's the deal:

I have three options: 1. clean everything out of the house and turn it over to them 2. buy it or 3. sell it.  Before anything can be done they are required to send out an appraiser to find out the true value of the house. (Which means I have another trip in my not so distant future coming up.)  The good news is that if it's appraised for less than the loan they'll let me buy it for 95% of the appraised value.  :) /sarcasm

The second (and probably the most devastating) chunk of news is that NONE of this can be done until the will has been probated.  According to VA law there is no time frame on when it has to be probated...however the mortgage company has a different set of rules.  I have 6 months from date of death (7/28 in case you're counting) for one of the three above options and a possibility of two 90 day extensions once the wheels have started turning.  ..and just in case you don't remember from my many posts before in order to probate the will all fees & taxes must be paid up front.

8/11/13

This has been one of those days that has been “off” for me since I woke up this morning and I haven’t been able to figure out why.  I don’t think its one thing or the other…but it’s something… and it’s frustrating that I can’t put my finger on it.  I’m the kind of person that needs a solution to the problem (even if the solution isn’t doable); I don’t do well with the abstract kind of solution.

The other day I was talking (i.e. texting) with Russ & he asked me how I was doing.  Russ is one of the few friends that I can actually say anything to & it doesn’t phase him in the least little bit (yes even those monthly issues).  I just blurted out that my eyes were tired and how strange that felt to me.  I didn’t know how else to explain it… they just blasted hurt.  If I closed them they felt better but otherwise they just burned, ached and/or hurt.  As is his nature (at least with me) he said that was pretty normal and that I’d been through a lot these last few months; I just needed sleep and water.  Sleep and water?  Ok if you say so.  Don’t tell Russ, but I did sleep in an extra hour the next morning.  My eyes are still ‘sore’ but not nearly as much as when I talked to him.

I know it’s hard to believe someone like me is a private person…especially considering how much of my non-existent life is on Facebook and my blog… hang on a second.  I don’t think I’m a private person per se… I just don’t tell anyone how I feel about things that are important to me because they won’t get it.  That sort of hit me today when I was cleaning the house (sort of).  Let me explain.

I was dusting off the bookcase that I wasn’t sure I wanted to bring home with me (although secretly I really did want to save it)….and at the time I couldn’t figure out what the hesitation was.  Even while I was at Dad’s I felt like I let Shawn talk me into taking it back with me (I needed something to put all this stuff I was going to have to go through of Dad’s but I wasn’t sure I really had the physical space for it…. at least that’s what I kept telling myself).  So I’m sitting on the floor & I’m trying to dust the bottom shelf when I get a memory flash that hit me hard.  It’s a Saturday morning at the old house (the one I grew up in, the one we’re … ooops I’m renting) & I’m sitting on the floor dusting this very same bookcase.  It’s up against the half wall that separated the living room and kitchen.  It was loaded with some of Mom’s books & I had to make sure I put them in the same order she had them in (gee I wonder where I got that from).  I’ve always thought that Dad built that bookshelf for Mom; don’t know if it’s true or not, but it’s always been her shelf… and I didn’t even realize that until today.  Funny how that works out isn’t it.

Fred came by to pick up the camping stove and spoon today.  He kept saying if I changed my mind about some of the things he put his “dot” on & wanted to keep them he’d understand.  That’s something else I keep hearing from people that had “dotted” items.  I have yet to understand why I keep hearing the same thing over and over again until I talked to Fred. 

Because of his drinking, Dad and I have had a rocky relationship since day one; it only got better once Mom died ironically (there’s something about realizing we are the only ones we had left that made us work on our relationship).  I’m starting to see how funny it looks to “outsiders” the things I want to keep of his and the things I have no problem getting tossing in the trash.  For example there is one tool box that I wanted – have no idea what’s in it or if I’ll ever use any of the tools in it (and I KNOW I don’t have the space for it) and one particular plant.  I wanted to make sure I had room in my truck to bring that plant back (and one for a friend of mind that I had no attachment to what so ever)  that  I was kind of short with Shawn when I realized I didn’t have room to bring it back this trip.  I’m just glad she stood her ground and didn’t back down to me b/c frankly right now I haven’t pulled out space for it yet.  Dad’s plaques and ships had to come back with me, I want his water bottle full of change, and all the records/camera equipment.  There were a few dishes, pots/pans that I wanted….seriously who wants a pot that is only 3” across?  Me that’s who.

The other thing I’m having a hard time getting used to is not jumping every time the phone rings (which doesn’t happen nearly as much now that he’s dead… which brings point #2: dead vs passed.  Dad is dead, he died – he didn’t “pass”).  I don’t have to answer every phone call I get (which means if you call from a number I don’t recognize you better leave a message) and/or have to have the phone sitting on the table 24/7.  Very strange feeling since that’s been my main concern for the last few years –phone above all else in case something happened with him.  Things are so much more different than they were when Mom died.

When do I go back to normal?