I'm not the bad guy; this is not my fault

Nothing like the first phone call of the day letting you know despite all my efforts there's no way I'm going to be able to stop the shit storm coming down on Dad.  It was basically a courtesy call to say the facility is applying for all of his income in order to pay for his continued residency there.  Once again the Director of Social Work ended the call by saying "if you were here...".

In a rare burst of public honesty here - as much as I love Dad I'm really tired of being the bad guy.  What would change if I could afford to be there?  Nothing.  He'd still be in a situation where he can't get out of bed by himself, he still wouldn't be able to walk & he'd still have all of his income/assets taken away against his will.  If I couldn't make him stop drinking (after 60+ years) and/or take his medicine when I was there for 9 months during his hip surgery how in the hell do you think I could change things now?!?!

That being said for those of you in my generation... start talking to your parents NOW about everything.  Don't get hit in the face with things like I did, start the conversation now.  Get those Durable POA, Medical POAs, DNRs done now.  Start putting your name on their accounts (I've been trying to cancel Cox since MARCH all the while they keep charging him) so you can take care of business when the time comes.  It doesn't matter if your 'rents aren't sick now - what if they're in a car accident? trip on the sidewalk on the way to work?  ....and for those of you with siblings - there's enough stuff to be done that it shouldn't fall on one person's shoulders.  Get over it and share the responsibilities.

And for the parents on my page - quit being so stubborn.  No one is trying to take over your life we just want to give you the life you want and deserve.  (Trust me we have enough on our plates trying to keep our worlds turning we don't need to try and control yours as well.) You're going to have to help us help you or the choices are going to be made for you.  Tell your kids (or whomever your advocate is) where the info is, who carries the policies on the house, who the mortgage is through, how things are paid, etc.

And for the younger ones on my page, your parents aren't immortal.  There will be a time when you are going to have to be the grown-up and take care of them.  Start asking questions, start paying attention.  The time may come when you will need to be their advocate & you need to be ready.  The internet is a powerful tool but you are still going to have to get on the  phone and talk to people.  Make sure you know how to talk to those that have the power to do what you need done.  Your world is not in that little box in your hands you can't take your eyes off of.