Guilty pleasure or cheap therapy?

The one thing I look forward to more than football on Sunday mornings is Postsecret.  At first I thought it was just a way to satisfy my voyeuristic side but as the years go by I've noticed that it's a way to validate my feelings of being alone - by realizing I'm not... not really.

The other night I had a dream that even now I can pretty much remember with more detail than I'm comfortable with.  The long and short of it is that everyone I know/knew was on this huge farm having a family fun day type thing.  Friends, ex- friends, ex-boyfriends, their kids, sig ots, dogs, cats... yeah I'm serious.  People I'd been friends with for decades were talking with other friends of mine that they'd never met.  It was as if it was a family reunion and everyone was glad to see everyone else.  The kids were all playing frisbee, volleyball or football together.  I remember walking from one conversation to another as my everyone talked about their common interests even though they really had no way of knowing that about each other.  It was a good feeling.

The 'scene' that still gets to me was when I needed to go for a beer run.  I jumped in McGyver (a '70 Buick Skylark that Andy gave me when I moved to NC -the favorite of all my cars) with both Bill and Dave.  We got lost going to the store but we did a lot of talking and laughing - even though as far as I know neither of those guys have ever crossed paths.  I still haven't figured out why the two people that have hurt me more than anyone on this planet would be in this last scene of the dream.  I can hear Mom whispering in one ear telling me I have unfinished business with both of them and that I need to reach out to them and deal with it.  On the other shoulder I can hear Kris telling me to walk away, it was just a dream; I can't let them hurt me again. 

So this morning when I saw this secret someone from Australia posted it made me wonder if I'm not paying attention to what the universe (as Mom used to say) is trying to tell me or am I just reaching for some fantasy I'd like to come true.  I've often wondered what I would say/do if either one of them called, sent an email or showed up at my door.  I honestly don't think I would greet them with a smile considering how things ended between us, but ... 

*sigh*... doesn't really matter does it?  They are called fantasies for a reason.